I'm not gonna fight for you. I'm gonna miss you like hell. Miss our sleepovers. Our late night discussions as we snuggled. You pulling me close to you. I'll miss the nights as we laid there hugging, stealing kisses in the darkness. So innocent and pure. I love you. More then you know. And yet I hate you for doing this to me. Putting me in a position of loving someone I'm not supposed to love. I'm not supposed to want. You are no good for me.
I keep telling myself that. I repeat it in my head hoping I convince my heart. I don’t want to loose you. It hurts you as much as it hurts me. I could hear it in your voice that night. You meant what you said. I don’t want you to ever stop loving me. It seems only yesterday we were dorks hooking up in my room. You introduced me to a whole new world. You grabbed my heart. I didn't know it then. I'm going to miss your embrace. Your cologne.
Running my fingers through your hair. I love you. I hate your dad shoes and your pessimistic attitude. And your annoying intelligence. But I love you. The fact that you need to be right all the time. That you constantly talk about woman as things to posses, yet I love you. I love that dorky smile that smirks across your face every time I say something stupid. I'm gonna miss it. I'm gonna miss you. And yet I will continue to see you everyday. But it wont be the same. I lost you, the you I love. I miss you. I love you. Come back to me. I'm waiting.
I just wish I was brave enough to talk to you.
In my head everything is so messed up, but I'll try my best to explain.
In my head everything is so messed up, but I'll try my best to explain.
After all this time, I still don't know how to stop remembering our memories and looking for you everywhere I go. I can't stop relating us to every song I hear. I don't know if I miss you, or if I miss having someone. But I don't know if I'll ever feel as comfortable with someone as I was with you.
I miss having you to care about me and to share small things. You were the one I could tell everything, because you were the only one who completely won my trust. And I miss your hug - but I guess you already know that.
I miss having you to care about me and to share small things. You were the one I could tell everything, because you were the only one who completely won my trust. And I miss your hug - but I guess you already know that.
I'm sorry I never believed you when you said that there wouldn't be someone who cares about a guy more than you.
I guess it's too naive to think that we could get back together. I ruined it and I don't know how to fix it. I feel really bad about what I did to you. Maybe I was too young to actually be with someone so dedicated to me. I feel sorry about the reason I gave up one us. And it really breaks my heart that we're not together, and that is my entire fault.
I guess it's too naive to think that we could get back together. I ruined it and I don't know how to fix it. I feel really bad about what I did to you. Maybe I was too young to actually be with someone so dedicated to me. I feel sorry about the reason I gave up one us. And it really breaks my heart that we're not together, and that is my entire fault.
I'm afraid I'm gonna tell you all those things and then one day wake up and feel completely different. I'm not sure about anything. I can't assure you a future. That's how I am, and that's how I screwed it all.
I'm also really afraid you are not the same. I'm afraid that I made you change, and you completely erased me. I'm afraid, besides almost sure, you hate me right now - and I hate myself for that. I feel the worst person in the world when I remember everything I did, and the pain you felt because of me. Then I think that you're totally right in hating and avoiding me, and I should move on. But I'm afraid I can't get over you.
I'm also really afraid you are not the same. I'm afraid that I made you change, and you completely erased me. I'm afraid, besides almost sure, you hate me right now - and I hate myself for that. I feel the worst person in the world when I remember everything I did, and the pain you felt because of me. Then I think that you're totally right in hating and avoiding me, and I should move on. But I'm afraid I can't get over you.
If I'm right and you hate me, please do me a favor one last time: hit me hard with your words, in the way only the person who knew me the most can do, so I can't ever look at you again and feel passionate.
But if you're able to forgive, just call me - maybe you still remember my number, just like I never forgot yours - and I promise I will try my best, so things can feel right again. I promise to tell you everything and hear you carefully. I just have to warn you that some things don't change. I can be really moody and I am still insecure.
But if you're able to forgive, just call me - maybe you still remember my number, just like I never forgot yours - and I promise I will try my best, so things can feel right again. I promise to tell you everything and hear you carefully. I just have to warn you that some things don't change. I can be really moody and I am still insecure.
I actually think I love you, but I never thought I could fall in love.
I don't know why I think I love you, no theories. I only have things that, together, might be called proof.
I care twice as much as your opinion than everyone else's. If I get just one text from you (even if I almost never do) it completely makes my day. You remember that one time when I was just so tired and sad and you just holding me for half a minute changed everything? That's how it is.
I don't ever feel like actually flirting with people, because I never find anyone I like anymore. It's not that you set the bar too high, it's more that you created a specifically shaped hole in my heart and the only person fitting into that hole is you.
It's not that I find you perfect, I see all your imperfections. It's just that I don't see anyone else who could mean half as much to me.
I know we said we'd keep it a secret to all our friends, and at first we said we'd just fool around whenever we felt like it. But with all our ups and downs, our break ups and our make ups, I don't think that's what we have.
I keep telling myself that if I were actually in love with you, I'd be jealous over you being with other people. I never get jealous. Did I tell you why? To get jealous, I must first convince myself I'm worthy of even having you.
I'm wondering if I should tell you, because being unhappily in love with someone you're in a sort of relationship with sucks. But I won't, because I think you want it just as casual as this, and telling you would put too much pressure on you.
That's why you make me hate myself. I can never be good enough for you.
If the feeling I had then were real, you would've been lying here next to me right now. You would’ve been sleeping on your belly and your black, wild hair – with a texture I would’ve recognized amongst a thousand others – would've been a beautiful contrast against the white background. The sunlight would’ve hit your bare back and shown the lines of muscles, playing beneath your skin as you changed your position in your sleep.
Carefully I would've placed my fingertips on your ribs and on the scar I happened to give you. I have almost forgotten what it looks like. You would’ve awake and make a sigh of delight, just like you did every morning when I scratched your back or your arms, or pulled my finger through your hair. You loved it. You would’ve opened your eyes and stare right through me with your gaze.
Those bright, green and almost unlikely beautiful eyes are one thing I’ll never forget. And you would’ve smile when you saw me – you always fired away an almost boyish smile which made my heart skip thirteen beats. Then you would’ve pulled me close to you, been giving me a kiss and say “good morning, beautiful” before you would’ve lay down on my chest and rip your arms around me.
And you shouldn’t have let me go.
