Showing posts with label Cry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cry. Show all posts
I had been bugging my girlfriend to write love letters for a few months (we've been long distance for 17 months now) and so for Christmas She gave me a moleskin notebook with a letter from her written on the first few pages. "It's so we can write back and forth to each other like a love journal" she said. Best gift. Anyways, it was my turn to write something to her. The problem was when I tried to write, everything was sad, I miss you, I'm miserable without you, I hate that we have stupid fights etc. I didn't want to immortalize the bad times and wanted to bring the joy back into our love instead of the sadness from being apart. So I wrote this poem/story about the first month of our relationship, when we were physically together, so that we could bring a little bit of that magic back.
For YOU
This is the story of two young people at the beginning of love, one that has been told thousands of times before, but each telling is as special and novel as the very first.
We begin with…
Boy meets girl.
Boy chases girl.
Girl just wants to be friends.
Boy doesn't give up.
One year later, boy asks girl to the dance.
Girl says yes.
They dance, they drink, they laugh, they sparkle.
That night, they lay in each other's arms, wrapped up in the newness of it all.
He makes her hash browns and she makes him laugh.
Days become good and bright. Nights are spend in quiet whispers and heated discovery.
They fall together.
Reveling in the lightness, they flourish.
He is kind and passionate and understanding and confident and all the things she has wished for.
She is full of ideas, captivating and radiant.
There is no fear, no doubt.
They were dancing, each completely in tune with the rhythm of the other.
Perfectly imperfect.
Happiness was ours. Let's go back there, to simplicity, to tangled limbs and locked lips, to playfulness and bliss, to incandescent love. Meet me at the beginning.
With all the love I possess
~UR''Z
You never just had a part of me, you had all of me. I wrapped myself up in your being and it wasn’t surprising when you did the same. Our lives became entwined with a mix of our bests, and our worsts. I’m not scared nor do I feel robbed. I guess I feel a little confused on how something that consuming couldn’t make it to the end.
Here I am now thinking about what lies ahead. To have my string back from our entwined rope, it just doesn’t seem right. I feel vulnerable and not as strong. What I keep forgetting is that it’s not impossible to entwine myself with another. So many people don’t want to change, they want to move on and still be the same person. I’ve felt that way for such a long time. Now I feel like the only answer is leaving that girl behind.
If I was willing to give that much of myself to you at one time I shouldn’t be selfish enough to ask for it back. And I shouldn’t be shallow enough to expect another guy to love your leftovers. I have to create something for him to love that isn’t marked by yours. I don’t need to hate you in the process either. This is all ok to feel but there’s a day when that strand of rope is knotted and then the new piece forms. Different lengths and different strengths, it’s all the same rope. I just need to decide which piece I feel the safest holding when I fall.
I don't really care if anyone sees this or not, it's not really the kind of thing to get published. I just had to say it-
I'm in love. That's it, just love! And she doesn't know, and she can't know. The consequences our relationship would create I'm savy enough to understand, and God knows what she thinks of me day today since I'm so much younger and dumber, but I don't care. I'm past caring. Every little ambiguous feeling of doubt that hung around, that still has reason to hang around, is slowly being dismantled because I realize the truth. Ego rem intellecto. If I could scream it on rooftops I would. And I want her to know because if she points out one more guy or girl that I should date I think it might come out anyway.
I want you. It is you! and I think it's only ever going to be you. Not in that 'I'll never find anyone else' sort of way, but I'll never find anyone as interesting, intelligent, witty, funny and perfect for me again. Sometimes I just stare in wonder, and you see it, and look at me like I'm crazy. But you don't understand how crazy I am for you. No one knows. No one needs to know. I'm up and I'm down and in and out and I've realized I don't want it any other way. It's you. It's always been you. I loved you before I knew you. Yes, it happens, even if we're not together.
This isn't a good story, you're just that person I talk to and can't touch. The one who I'll either marry or think about when I'm marrying someone else. I don't necessarily know what true love is, but you've got the rhythm that matches mine. Turn around one day and let me know if you see me too.
You once told me that if there was ever something I needed to say to you, to scream at you, to share with you, that I could and I should share with you so that I can heal.
You know that I struggle to verbalize only the very closest words to my heart out loud. So, this is what I have wanted to say to you.
"I am both happy and sad and I am trying to figure out how that could be."
Will you always invade my thoughts, even though I am inexplicably happy with someone else?
Why do you feel with your mind first, and your heart second?
Why did you tell me you loved me six months after we broke up?
Why do you only think of my needs when it is convenient for you? (still)
Why did you not hold me, call me, talk to me when I needed you most? It was my darkest year and I needed you.
Why did you hug me, hold my hand, stare deep into my eyes but not kiss me? As now, people delegitimize my pain.
You were my first love and the first person to make me understand the phrase: we are all born into brokeness. You broke me. You tamed my spirit. You scheduled me into your planner instead of your heart. You showed me what true love is not.
I have realized that being an active person who is forced to remain inactive is often more painful than the pain the injury itself causes. You caused me to be inactive. I wonder if you will ever comprehend how many nights I cried myself to sleep because of your (in)actions, your lack of words. You know that I do not believe that people have one sole soul mate. Yes, we could of been but we are not. Yes, I will always love you in some way or another.
You once told me this: Life can only take one path in the end, history is an unchangeable story in reality, and God, being outside of any conceivable box we can design for Her (Him), knows what that story is from end to end (whether 'tis a circle or a line). But our choices and actions matter. I think He is helping us with the writing and penmanship but we write our own lives. You will forever be inked into my story.
Re-read your words, internalize them. Smell, breath, touch, feel, see the beauty of this life and your words and turn your knowledge into action.
Please, please re-think how it makes me feel when you say, "I believe I can love you better than anyone else" when you broke your promises (your words) to me on countless occasions.
Love is action. Love is a feeling. Love is not a calculation.
Though it pains me to admit it, I miss you.
For the last time - "Your Monkey"
I am free.
Itz cold out here n I am walking really fast to reach home as soon as possible…suddenly I feel someone’z following me….ohh God plz help me…there is no one on this road….I am all alone…I turned back and saw that she is running towardz me….I also started to run to save myself and all of a sudden someone grabz me from back and I shouted loudly…..”HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLPPP” and I realize I am in bed….fuck….it waz a nightmare….ohh gosh…I took a deep sigh…then I searched my bed for my phone…I saw the time and it waz 3:45 a.m.
I put down the phone and waz trying to sleep again….suddenly my phone vibrated…i waz stunned to see that who would call me at this time….i saw with half eye opened….it waz “HER”….i waz shocked….why is she calling and that too at this time….?? I got worried if she is fine or not….I picked up her call and she said no hi….no hello….she just rushed in a very horrified tone….”DEAR YOU ARE FINE NA….?? WHERE ARE YOU…?? I GOT A NIGHTMARE THAT YOU ARE IN TROUBLE….!!!”
A sudden flash went through my heart and for a moment I waz just speechless….tearz rolled down my eyez when she said those 3 linez…all that I asked her waz to repeat those 3 linez again and again and again till I feel satisfied with this feeling of attachment with her….wow….this is true love really….I find myself so damn lucky to have her…I don’t know if this waz a mere co-incidence or God gave us a sign that we both are connected or anything else….but whatever it is….I just know one thing that itz true….itz pure….and itz forever….yes may be
itz “LOVE”….!!! ♥
Do you believe in soul mates?
I didn't. I used to think that I would never find the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with in this little town.
I thought I would have to leave and start over new somewhere else to start my life...I thought I would have to leave if I was to ever find my true love.
But then she came along... and it's like everything I ever knew changed. Everything I ever wished for, hoped for, wanted to do... changed.
Because of her. Because i knew that no matter what, she was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
We took a little while to get to know each other, even though we both practically felt like we knew each other inside out from the first moment we said "Hello."
What we found out though, was that we really were perfect for each other. Were she was speechless, I was there to say what she couldn't. Were I was sad and had shut down, she was there to make everything better again and to put that smile she loves to see on my face..
We had weird moments that I could only laugh about with her..our own little private jokes that we will never forget about. Everything was perfect...she was even into the same taste of weird music as i was into. Because of all this and more, I knew he would be the one.
But lately, it all seems to be changing.. I keep thinking to myself that she still loves me, and she reminds me of this as much as she can..but where I used to see her every day, I only see her about three times a week, maybe less.
Where I used to talk to her every day, now we go days without even a phone call. She got a new job. It keeps her busy, so it's not like she's out there doing things that could potentially break my heart...but all this separation is killing me. I'm proud of her for trying to make her life better, and I wouldn't tell her to give any of it up. But i do wish I would see her more...I wish there would be more hours in the day, more days in the week, just so I could spend a little bit more time with her...
This separation will be good for us in the long run. It will be a test of our love... So far we have had a wonderful 8 months together, and she has become my lover, my partner, my best friend..
I know that we will get through whatever obstacles we come across because I love her and she loves me..
So do you believe in soul mates? Because I do
You know when love is just beautiful? When you find someone who’s creases in the palms of their hands perfectly match up with yours? When that person’s smile is like the sunrise to your happiness? Just the mere thought of them creates a tidal wave of butterflies in the pit of your stomach, but in a good way. When you awake every morning to either their scent right beside you, or a sweet text message telling you everything you want to hear. When that person makes you feel like the only human being existing in their world and you just feel an endless supply of love, like nothing, not a single thing can bring you down?
I can’t tell you about that kind of love. I can, however, tell you all about the dark side of love. The kind of love that feels like the most poisonous, addictive drug that courses through your insides and rots away your very core. The kind of love that leaves you both numb, a hopeless void, and at the same time as contradictory as it sounds, in excruciating pain. When you find yourself sitting in your dark bedroom at 3am, just staring in a type of catatonia caused by racing thoughts of how it all ended up here? When you become all too familiar with the taste of your own tears and you just bleed your eyes dry until you can’t cry anymore. The type of love that has you shaking in bed, anxious if they’re going to walk away this time (again) for the millionth time. Wondering, in a constant battle with yourself, if this is your entire fault, if this is what you deserve? It’s like heaven and hell in comparison. That’s how I imagine it anyway. Some people are just blessed with love, with a perfect person, with flowers growing from their fingertips, and warmth dancing around them. But some people are cursed with love, with swollen eyes, and heavy hearts, and thorns breaking through their skin.
I have never been addicted to any substance, but I imagine that it’s exactly the same really. You meet this person who you think is so right for you, so intriguing and you’re excited to try this person. That’s your first hit, your first snort, your first injection, your first sip; the first time the drug flows through your bloodstream and it’s euphoria, it’s perfect. It’s warm and it’s magnificent and it makes you feel things you’ve never in a million years felt. You want more, no, you need more. You need them; their body, their smell, their voice, their sound, their presence, their feeling, their promises, you need it all until you become greedy. You become addicted to this person, essentially your own personal drug, designed just for you, baby. And that’s when the darkness comes. This drug isn’t all you thought it was but you’re desperate. It’s not good for you anymore. It’s arguments and miscommunications and not understanding what you want. It’s fights and broken glass and bruises and lust. It’s addiction. It’s adrenaline and screams and sobbing into your pillow. It’s begging and pleading and promising you’ll do anything for more, just more of him, anything as long as you don’t take away the drug. You can’t live without it and by now the scariest and saddest thing of all has happened: you’ve lost yourself. The single, most important thing- your own self- has been lost in this addiction. You’ve lost friends and family and people look at you with pity, they start to notice the sunken eyes and your shrinking frame. They notice that you’ve become less of a person and more of a ghost, that they’re speaking to you but you aren’t hearing them. The world spins and whirls around you in colors and fast flashes and it makes you so f*cking nauseated, so you choose to just stay in your bed, the only safety you know anymore. Eventually, you start your rehab. You cut them out, you detox their existence, they disappear and so do your cravings. But it doesn’t last for long does it? Because they always, always come back. A text message from her, a “hey how have you been?”, a silent phone call, an “I miss you”, a night of sex…whatever it is and she’s back in your system and god, you forgot how good this drug was, and before you know it you’re sucked right back into this disgusting, vicious cycle until you’re left realizing that this drug that you need so badly, it doesn’t need you back- it just uses you, it just plays with your head to get what it wants. And you’re right back in the darkness, sitting in your bedroom, dragging on a cigarette with ashes all over your face and palms, sobbing, hating yourself for letting that drug back in, for believing that this drug would finally love you the way you loved it, for hoping that just this once you’d have your heaven.
But let me tell you something. You will never find your heaven if you stay in your hell and those thorns will never turn to flowers if you stay out of the sunlight.
I’ve spent the last year and a half, chasing after an ex girlfriend who left me and has since lead me to hell and back. She’s used me and blamed me, she’s never thought she was wrong, she’s bounced between me and other guys and never once apologized. She’s made me feel like I was nothing, worthless, and never good enough. She’s hardened my heart and I’ve cried a sea’s worth of tears over her- and that’s not even the half of it. I’ve walked away countless times just to let her back in when she comes back around, because this gal is my drug. Can I even call it love? Probably not. But I can’t let go. I wish I were strong enough, but I’m drained, I’m exhausted, I’ve overdosed and sometimes I feel like I’m already dead.
There’s a quote that goes: “I would have followed her to hell if she asked me to, and with all she put me through, maybe I did.”
I formally met her about a year ago. She is friends with my close group of friends and we always hung out around each other. At a party, we instantly clicked and realized we had so much in common. She had that strange charm and the ability to always make me smile and laugh every time I see her. She flirted with me and tried to get my attention any chance she could get. My friends saw it and her did too. This summer when my parents went out of town, our group of friends came to my house every night. And she came too. My stomach developed the biggest mix of emotions when I was around her and I couldn’t think straight. She had this strange ability to make me forget about everything but her. She would text me things only I would understand, we had so many inside jokes and mutual interests that I thought things could be perfect. But the most inviting thing about her is the way she could make me laugh harder than anyone ever has.
I didn’t care what anyone thought about me but her. During one of these summer days with our group of friends, we were talking alone when I told her all of my deepest feelings about her and my fears of her not wanting me back. But, she said she wanted me too and that she wasn’t interested in anyone else. Even when I asked her about her recent fling, she said there was no connection with his anymore. Her relationship with him r still scared me though and when she texted me to come to a party the next night in a group text that included him as a recipient, I felt awkward and empty. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it to that party and saw pictures of him and her cuddling and acting romantic. This hurt. A lot. I went on vacation with my family the next day for a two week trip. Over the course of the next couple days, I noticed that she was “in a relationship” on Facebook with this guy, whom I was so concerned about. This hurt too, but this time- even more.
I have never felt so empty in my life and lonely than the days that followed. She lied to me, but I wasn’t mad at her. I was just sad. The night I got back from my trip, I saw her at a party and there was tension between us but she said hi like everything was normal, but things were not the same. It is now almost 7 months since the day I told her my true feelings for her, and she has been dating her boyfriend for 6 months.
The reason I am writing this now is because I ran into her yesterday. She seemed good- happy. She called my name from a few feet away and went in for a hug. I hugged her back but it hurt me so bad to know that she is happy with someone else, and I am just here. There is no other way to describe the feeling other than a void in your chest. Something that was somewhat filled before and it remains empty now.
I hope this pain goes away, with time it has weakened but I can still feel the flutter in my chest each time I see her. All I want is to talk to her about her reasoning behind the lies and the ingenuity—if that's what it even was. Who knows. To this day, I tell myself that I should be mad at her, that she lied and fooled me, but I just can’t bring myself to be mad. I miss the way you made me feel. I miss our memories. I miss you. And I don't know why.
For the first time in 3 years I felt like we got to the spot we were suppose to be at before we got lost.
The first 16 months of our relationship was so fast but I remember almost every moment in slow motion realizing what we had early on was not to be forgotten. When we first met, I remember you went around the table introducing yourself and saying hello to every person except for me. Lastly you looked at me with the enticing look I am sure I returned you with, thinking, we both knew there was more to this encounter then hello. Sitting through the movie all I could think about was who you were and the future ahead of us, a future I knew that was undeniably avoidable. I wasn’t sure of the future, no one is ever, but at that time I knew my future contained you in some manner. Within a weeks time we were at our first outing with a group of friends at a baseball game. Our conversation was filled with nothing but laughter. The night ended in holding hands and butterflies under the fireworks. The rest of the summer wasn’t any different then the first night. You were always an angel and held doors, you became my best friend and we shared stories most would not. But in the midst of the sprint we made through the summer together, we finished apart. No one winning the race.
Over the next 3 years we struggled finding a spot back in each other’s lives. Fighting lust, love and life, never truly finding a place.
We both had dated others and tried moving on and blindly ignoring the problem at hand.
We both just needed to find a way move on.
I started seeing someone recently and for the first time I hadn’t thought about you.
Until I did.
We just got off the phone for the first time in months today. We caught up about work, family and life, when you brought up my love life. I hesitated………. but then I broke the ice, talking about my issues and asking for your thoughts. All I wanted was my best friend, your, advice. You spearheaded the conversation with thoughtful and honest guidance creating a path of conversation I never thought we would be able to consume. The talk felt natural, pure and sincere. We ended the call with best regards for each other and a plan to catch a friendly ball game with friends in the future.
Finally I found the spot I believe you were always meant for.
I still remember her "I LOVE YOU " when she whispered in my earz warmly for the very first time...I closed my eyez and felt her breath...it waz magical indeed...that feeling waz just out of the world...yes heart I waz in a relationship with her since past few monthz 3 yearz back but I felt like we were together since yearz...I waz very serious for her...she waz my FIRST LOVE...I couldn't even think of surviving without her...I waz mentally...physically and emotionally too involved...!! ♥
Day by day our meetingz got more passionate...seemed like with every meeting I waz falling for her even more madly...seemed as if I waz going gaga...I waz truly in LOVE with her...with every "I LOVE YOU" she said...she made me love her even more...I beleived her...I trusted her...I trusted her every word...I did everything she wanted...somethingz coz of my love towardz her n somethingz coz I didn't wanted to hurt her...!! ♥
I gave my more then best to our relationship...then why...?? Why she "LIED"...?? YES heart...SHE LIED...she lied everything...each and everything waz fake...all bullshit...she lied that she loved me...she lied that she is serious for me...she lied that she wantz her future with me...she broke my heart...she shattered me...and the most hurting thing even after all this waz that she didn't even bothered to look behind once...to look at me...my situation...!! ♥
I felt like dieing...coz in some corner of my mind I made her my everything...she waz my lifeline...I couldn't even think of surviving without her...I cried...I pleaded...I begged but nothing got right so finally when thingz got over the brim of my "SELF ESTEEM" I decided to "MOVE ON"...itz been 3 yearz now and I am hapily moved on...yes time is the best healer so give time some time...but in my mind I still think that if she wazn't serious about me I wish she wouldn't have lied and instead would have told me her true feelingz towardz me...I wish she would have told that she wazn't serious for me the way I waz...I wish...I wish one day she understandz that
"HURT ME WITH THE HARSH REALITY...THE TRUTH...BUT PLEASE NEVER COMFORT ME WITH A LIE COZ IT HURTZ...IT REALLY DOES...!!" ♥
3rd March .2013 around 12:45 a.m. I waz trying my best to concentrate on my studiez but somehow I couldn't...I waz again again checking out my phone...to check if I missed her message or call but I ended with sheer disappointment...another day passed by and we didn't had a talk...YES I MISS YOU...I miss you badly...I miss our beautiful midnight conversationz...I miss our crazy laughterz...I miss our idiotic pjz...I miss those 3 magical wordz...!! ♥
Itz not that she doesn't love me now...itz just that she is out of leisureness ...although she said that she will manage somehow and will definately call me no matter if itz just for 5 minz but she didn't...I understand her truly so I won't complaint also but itz just that I am so used to our talkz and our long conversationz that it hurtz when I don't talk to him...!! ♥
Sometimez I feel why do I miss her...?? Do I miss her coz I am addicted to her or do I miss her coz I love her...?? Well the answer to the question as per me is that addiction isn't love for sure but a true feeling from within which just makez you think of "HER" 24x7...which makez you feel attached...yes then may be itz love...I don't have any particular reason to miss her and this is what differenciatez love and addiction...if I have a reason to miss her then I will stop missing her the day the reason getz over...!! ♥
So basically I just miss her coz I miss her...no reasonz...so I can conclude that "YES...I TRULY LOVE HER"...missing someone special is one of the most crucial part in a relationship coz if your love is true then this space won't increase gap between the couple but will strengthen your relation...every relation has upz and downz and it totally dependz on you how you cope up with them...so for now I am just waiting and waiting and missing him...all I want to say is
''I MISS U AND I LOVE U'' ♥
3 yearz...long time...?? Isn't it...?? We started dating when I waz in 10th...at that time we were in same class but unfortunately we splitted in 11th when I opted freakin engineering and she chose swwet medicos...still we both somehow managed to maintain our relation...atleast we were in the same school...atleast we used to see a glance of eachother once a day...SCHOOL TIME waz actually the best time for us both...that waz the first time we experienced the beauty n serenity of love...we didn't even realize when those last 2 golden yearz of schooling flew away...!! ♥Now it waz time for college admissionz...I managed to get into one of the most reputed enguneerin' college of Delhi and she also managed to get into one of the most reputed medical college but unfortunately not in Delhi...she had to go for "7 YEARZ" to Mumbai...now this waz something which we never expected...not even in our wildest dreamz...we thought to break up coz we both didn't beleived in "LONG DISTANCE"...!! ♥Weekz passed by and we realized how much we were into eachother even after the distance problem...so we thought of reviving our relation and giving it a second chance...YES WE THOUGHT OF MAINTAINING OUR LONG DISTANCE RELATION...initially we didn't found it that difficult to maintain coz we used to chat for hourz on phone and facebook but gradually as weekz passed by we realized the lack of our wonderful meetingz...the lack of physical presence craved us both...it had been 3 monthz and we hadn't met and God knew when next we would have met...!!Gradually there arouse insecurity...jealousy...tauntingz...fightz...argumentz...possessiveness...infact over possessiveness...our relation waz just going worse and even worse...now we both were not less then a burden in eachother'z life...just creating mess n stress thatz it...there waz everything except LOVE in our relation so finally we both took a wise decision n mutually broke up and set ourselvez free...now after 2 yearz of break up we find ourselvez glad that we finally moved on
"COZ MAY BE LOVE LEFT US...COZ MAY BE WE WEREN'T MEANT TO BE...COZ MAY BE THIS IS WHAT WAZ RIGHT AND JUSTIFIED" ♥
1st March .2013 . around 5 p.m. while I waz in my college my phone buzzed...I immediately saw the caller...it waz "HER"...I cut her call and messaged her "In class ttyl"...she replied back..."Ok will call you at night"...that night around 11 p.m. I received her message saying "Sorry won't be able to talk...waz a hectic and busy day and I am dead tired"...I replied back "Itz ok...good night" ♥
This scenario is happening since the past 1 week...we both aren't able to talk with eachother at all...whenever she getz free I am busy and whenever I get free she is indulged somewhere...and even if we somehow manage to get time and talk then thatz also just for 10-15 minutez...thatz it...I miss her...I miss conversing with her a lot...you know what diary there waz a time when we used to chat for hourz late night...about anything and everything...!! ♥
There waz a time when we used to whatz app 24x7...there used to pass not even a single day without conversing with eachother but unfortunately now itz not even half...time has grabbed us both...she is extremely busy with her work and me with my studiez and examz...I don't even remember when we last met...when we had that eye contact...those beautiful romantic momentz...when we last felt eachother...I miss that time a lot...!! ♥
At timez I wonder that even though we aren't frequently in touch with eachother...did it made OUR LOVE...OUR MAGICAL BOND weak...?? Well the answer is "NO...not at all"...infact it made our love even stronger coz even though we have physical distance...mentally we both are alwayz connected and this is what "LOVE" all about...love isn't just to talk to someone day night and saying I love you...love is to stay in eachother'z mind alwayz which bindz us together no matter how far or near we are...and I am glad that even though we aren't able to give eachother time we are still connected through our mind and our heart coz this is what love is all about...to stay in eachother'z heart alwayz n forever so alwayz remember "LOVE IS SPECIAL AND ITZ FROM WITHIN US"...!! ♥
"YES...LIVE IN RELATIONSHIPZ AREN'T THAT BAD EITHER...!!" ♥Dear heart...what do you think about LOVE...?? Well don't know about you but I find it a very unique and lovely emotion...itz something which givez me mixed feelingz...there is understanding...loyalty...fightz...possessiveness...jealousy...open mindedness...and above all and most importantly TRUST...and our LOVE recently went through itz biggest test wanna know what...??A few weekz back my next visit luckily waz in Lucknow...itz exactly where she residez...I waz just feeling out of the world not just coz I am meeting her but also coz I get to spend loadz of time with her but unfortunately meh work waz so hectic that whole day just passed in office between filez and recordz...so ultimately we just had the night time to spend together...itz obvious she can't reside in the guest house where I waz staying so she asked me to "LIVE IN" with him for the 3 dayz I waz there in Lucknow...!! ♥Don't make assumptionz guys...I know what you are thinking...but to tell you that LIVE IN RELATIONSHIP isn't just about sex...itz also about living with your partner...staying with your partner...spending lotz of time with them...spending those romantic and beautiful momentz with them...holding eachotherz handz while watching late night movie...playing the stare game...sleeping on his shoulder while hugging him...just falling in LOVE with eachother again and again each time we see eachother...yes...this is what LIVE IN RELATION is all about...!! ♥Specially we being in a LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP...these 3 dayz were the most special and wonderful dayz of my life coz these dayz I realized what true love is all about...we got to know eachother even better...it waz like a future practice for us both to live with eachother like a couple...on the contrary I would also like to suggest you that we should go for it only if we have full faith in our partner otherwise this can prove to be adverse...but since I have full faith in him all I want to say is
17th February.2013 late night around 12:15...I waz warm and cosy in my bed ready to sleep when suddenly my phone vibrated...I waz shocked to see that who would call me at this time...I half opened my eyez and saw it waz "HIM"...I waz thunderstruck to see his call...after 12 dayz he contacted me...yes "12 DAYZ"...can you imagine diary...?? At one point of time...he waz the same guy who couldn't even spend a day without conversing with me...the same guy who used to talk to for hourz tirelessly...the same guy who said that I am his foremost priority and will alwayz be...!! ♥I don't know what happened suddenly...why this gap arised between us...between our relationship...we had no fightz...no argumentz...no tauntz...nothing at all...we were happy as alwayz then why this gap...?? Itz not that I didn't tried to contact her...I contacted her many timez but everytime she ignored my call n didn't reply to any message of mine...YES...I WAZ HURT...she hurt me...her ignorance hurt me a lot...it killed me from within...I used to cry but when I saw that she doesn't even bother to know if I am alive or not then I also changed me behaviour...coz everything has a limit and his ignorance crossed my patience limit now...!! ♥I decided to stay happy even if itz without her...it waz very difficult in the beginning...whole day long all I could think waz "HER"..."ONLY HER"...her thoughtz surrounded me but I controlled myself somehow and didn't contact him...and you know what diary...?? It worked...yes it did work...after a week I GOT USED TO HER IGNORANCE...now I stopped waiting for her call...I just diverted my attention to other thingz...and day by day I started getting better and better...now after 12 dayz she is contacting me...while thousandz of thingz were flooded in my mind...I just picked her call normally and said "HELLO"...!! ♥She called me up for some work...I helped her out and waz just about to cut the call when she suddenly said "Hey stop...you don't wanna talk...?? You sound so changed...!!" I replied "I want to talk but not now as I am a bit sleepy and I have other prioritiez in my busy life just like you have...!!" She waz a bit shocked hearing my reply...may be she felt guilty...she apologised...I forgave her asalwayz but I don't think I will be ever the same as I waz before"COZ ITZ NOT THAT I DON'T GET HURT NOW...ITZ JUST THAT I AM WAY TOO USED TO IT NOW" ♥
A year back...24th February.2012 around 5 p.m. I waz with my college buddiez enjoying our college fest...we were at the "FLOWER SHOW" and were enjoying the beauty and serenity of nature...the dew...the freshness...the charisma that those pretty flowerz had waz just out of the world...while I waz enjoying the flower show I saw a girl noticing me...somehow even I noticed her...she looked sweet...that waz for the first time we had an eye contact...!! ♥She smiled...I smiled back...there waz a calmness and innocence in his eyez and on his face...I could feel that...as they say whenever you have to judge someone'z personality just notice his/her eyez...you will come to know exactly what sort of intensionz the person has got...after 3-4 timez of eye contact and smile exchange I finally approached me...my friendz obviously started teasing me...although I didn't liked her in that sense but I just felt like talking to her once coz our heart is the best judge to choose our friendz n my heart clearly said that she should be my friend...!! ♥We had a talk...we both introduced ourselvez and I got to know she waz from my college itself...we exchanged numberz and started whatz apping...day by day...week by week...our friendship grew and after a few monthz I started to count her in my college best buddiez...yesterday we officially completed 1 year of our friendship...this whole journey from being stranger to best friend is just fantastic...seemz so strange that someone whom I didn't even knew a year back is presently one of the most special personz in my life...!! ♥Often in life we face such situationz where we interact for the first time with someone totally unknown and trust me...one meeting...one eye contact...one long and healthy conversation is enough to judge a round about personality of a person...itz enough to judge that would we like to meet the person again or not...in my case I am actually glad that I gave a chance to "HIM"...that I gave "A FRESH START" to him and our friendship...so all I want to say is come out of the shell...converse and interact with new people...try and make new friendz...cozLIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WASTE YOUR TIME BEING ALONE...!! ♥
I M Sorry Of Being So Emotional
I M Sorry Of Being So Possessive
I M Sorry That I Cry For You
I M Sorry Because I Cant Live
Without You
I M Sorry For The Tears You Shed
I M Sorry For The Damage I Made
I I M Sorry For Each And Every
Fight
I M Sorry For The Missing Harmony
I M Sorry For My Selfish Love
I M Sorry For Not Caring Enough
I M Sorry For My Restlessness
I M Sorry For The Losing Grace I M
Sorry For Thinking Of You So Very
Much
I M Sorry I Always Miss Your Touch
I M Sorry Of Being So Mad About
You
I M Sorry For My Every Blue
I M Sorry Now That Cant Be Cured
I M Sorry Of Being Myself I M
Sorry That I have Failed
I M Sorry And Sorry Again
I M Sorry Of Being Insane
But Believe Me That I Love You
Should I Say Sorry For That
Too ??? :(
Itz silence n I am in my room….all alone….tick tock tick tock…I see the clock striking 1 a.m. Suddenly tearz rolled down my eyez when I recalled what she said a while ago….she asked me to choose between her n my best friend….how could she…how could she expect me to make this choice….!!!
I know my best friend from the past 7 yearz….almost double the time since I have known her….she waz alwayz with me in my upz n downz…even in situationz in which she left me alone…my best friend waz alwayz there to support me….infact it waz none other than my best friend herself who gave me the suggestion to try going into a relationship with her….we have partied together….laughed together….cried together….we have had so much gossipz…crazy talkz….lively momentz which I can never ever forget….then how can he expect me to forget all this n put a full stop on my friendship with my best friend….??
Very easily she sayz she will breakup if I didn’t leave my best friend…what should I do…?? If I choose “her”….I will loose my best friend which I can’t afford to do so at any possible cost….n if I choose my “best friend”….I will have to loose her…shez my love….I can’t afford to loose her either…ohh God….why me….?? why I have to choose….?? This choice is nothing but a one sided game in which whatever I do….whom so ever I choose….I will loose no matter what….!!!
Often in life we get situationz in which we need to make deadly chiocez….choicez which make us loose….mentality n emotionally….but at the end we have to choose n even I made my choice….I chose my “BEST FRIEND”….yes u heard it right….my best friend….coz u know when I told this dilemma of mine to her…she simply smiled n waz ready to give up our friendship saying that she just wantz my hapiness whether itz with her or without her….I realized at that moment who really lovez me…my girl-friend wazn’t even bothered that how much emotionally disturbed I waz due to her n on the other hand my best friend waz supporting me asalwayz….I made my CHOICE….n now after monthz I feel proud on my decision….yes….I made the right choice….!!! ♥
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Meet me under the moon tonight
Take me to a place where it's just me and you
Not even a soul can find usHold my hand
Keep it warm
Look into my eyes
Let them shineRemind me of the love we had
So deep we were inseparable
So great not even hell could break us Make me laugh
Like I used to when I never stopped
Make me smile
The smile that glittered on my faceHelp me remember the love we had
As we sit under the stars
Tell me the story'sHold me in your arms
Keep me close
Protect me from everything
Like your life depends on itShow me everything
Remind me of the love
That connection that wouldn't breakSing me to sleep
Make my nightmares into dreams
Kiss me on the cheek
Make me feel lovedHelp me remember
The happiness that we had
That made us inseparableHold me like I'm your little child
Never let me go
Let me sleep in your arms
As you protect me with your lifeOn this night
With you by my side
Please remind me of the love we once had
I only miss you A little you could say
A little too much
A little too often and
A little more Everyday
When they told me you were gone
It was all I could do to keep trying to hold on
Without you there to catch me, it was too hard
I let go and fell, and it tore me apart
These hands you used to hold
Have been getting very cold
Without you here to protect me
I’m all alone.
