What every pusher wants a lover to know.
Just because I push you away:
It doesn't mean I don't like you anymore, It means I'm afraid if how much I already love you.
It's not because I want us to separate, But because I crave to touch you again.
It doesn't mean for you to push back, It means I want you to pull me closer.
It doesn't mean I'm strong enough without you, It means I'm weak when I'm with you.
It doesn't mean I'm shutting you out It means I'm close to inviting you in...
In to where it hurts. That small but sensitive heart-shaped place between now and forever. It is a vacant place where few have entered and all have failed. So I push you away, not because I don't want your love, but because I'm afraid that your love is the kind that hurts. Be stubborn, be persistent, and keep pulling me in. Prove to me your weapons are none and forgive my unbelief. Above all else, continue to love me every time I push you away.
If I loved you as much as you love me our lives would be perfect.
We would wake up so happy and fall asleep in bliss
I would have crazy butterflies on the plane before I saw you
I would constantly be looking through our pictures with a warm feeling of blissful happiness inside me.
I would be jumping for joy at the prospect of having a future with you
Living in Barcelona with you
I would see speaking to you in the evenings as a pleasure, not as a chore.
I would enjoy kissing you
But instead I hate myself, for not loving you as much as you deserve, as much as I would like to.
I tried looking through our pictures, hoping the memories of the last two years would give me a pang, a wake up call ... I looked at so many pictures of you face, and I felt nothing, nothing at all.
I wish I missed you right now.
A life with you in Barcelona would be so safe, so fun, so amazing ... but I wouldn’t be going there for the right reasons, I’d be going there for the chance, the escape, the change, the weather, the people, the culture... I’d be going there for everything except for you.
I WISH I LOVED YOU LIKE HOW YOU LOVED ME, then life would be perfect.
