dose hands were used 2 be mine.....

This is the email I will probably never send you. I will never admit how much it hurts to hear you're goin out with another guy, buying him bunch of cards, holding his hand in the cinema and sending him text messages. I used to be that guy, for 4 years.

I don't know what exactly happened. We stopped being in love with each other. We stopped having fun. The routine took over our lives and before we knew it, I was taking a plane in a direction and you were taking a train in the other one.

We still talk. I still cannot imagine my life without you. You were my best friend and you can't abandon your best friend when something bad happens. I know you were the one who said we should break up. I know. Although I still know we're not right for each other and if we ever got back together we would drive each other crazy in less than a week, although I know all of that I cannot imagine your hands, your beautiful hands I used to love, touching another guys, caressing his neck, his thighs, making him feel special.

Those hands used to be mine. I miss those hands. I miss you. I miss us, our wine bottles and bookshelf, the way you would walk in on me while I was taking a shower, the way I used to carry you home at night when I'd had one too many drinks, I miss kissing you in the morning before I'd leave to university.

It's a bit too late for this now. And we're too far away. I am not saying I wish we were together again because I know it wouldn't work out, at least not now, not in this world. But I do admit I lie in bed at night, thinking of you, of how you're now learning the smell of another guys hair and the shape of his ankles.

I miss you. But you're still my best friend so from the bottom of my heart, I hope he can make you happier than I ever managed to.