I formally met her about a year ago. She is friends with my close group of friends and we always hung out around each other. At a party, we instantly clicked and realized we had so much in common. She had that strange charm and the ability to always make me smile and laugh every time I see her. She flirted with me and tried to get my attention any chance she could get. My friends saw it and her did too. This summer when my parents went out of town, our group of friends came to my house every night. And she came too. My stomach developed the biggest mix of emotions when I was around her and I couldn’t think straight. She had this strange ability to make me forget about everything but her. She would text me things only I would understand, we had so many inside jokes and mutual interests that I thought things could be perfect. But the most inviting thing about her is the way she could make me laugh harder than anyone ever has.
I didn’t care what anyone thought about me but her. During one of these summer days with our group of friends, we were talking alone when I told her all of my deepest feelings about her and my fears of her not wanting me back. But, she said she wanted me too and that she wasn’t interested in anyone else. Even when I asked her about her recent fling, she said there was no connection with his anymore. Her relationship with him r still scared me though and when she texted me to come to a party the next night in a group text that included him as a recipient, I felt awkward and empty. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it to that party and saw pictures of him and her cuddling and acting romantic. This hurt. A lot. I went on vacation with my family the next day for a two week trip. Over the course of the next couple days, I noticed that she was “in a relationship” on Facebook with this guy, whom I was so concerned about. This hurt too, but this time- even more.
I have never felt so empty in my life and lonely than the days that followed. She lied to me, but I wasn’t mad at her. I was just sad. The night I got back from my trip, I saw her at a party and there was tension between us but she said hi like everything was normal, but things were not the same. It is now almost 7 months since the day I told her my true feelings for her, and she has been dating her boyfriend for 6 months.
The reason I am writing this now is because I ran into her yesterday. She seemed good- happy. She called my name from a few feet away and went in for a hug. I hugged her back but it hurt me so bad to know that she is happy with someone else, and I am just here. There is no other way to describe the feeling other than a void in your chest. Something that was somewhat filled before and it remains empty now.
I hope this pain goes away, with time it has weakened but I can still feel the flutter in my chest each time I see her. All I want is to talk to her about her reasoning behind the lies and the ingenuity—if that's what it even was. Who knows. To this day, I tell myself that I should be mad at her, that she lied and fooled me, but I just can’t bring myself to be mad. I miss the way you made me feel. I miss our memories. I miss you. And I don't know why.
Share On
No comments:
Post a Comment